Dear Internet,

Last night I had the most awesome dream.

It was about Twilight, but it made Twilight seem about one hundred times cooler than it really is. I was Bella Swan, but I was actually kicking some major tail instead of relying on boys to do it for me. Also, somehow, this was supposed to be in the continuity of Eclipse but Bella-me was pregnant with a normal human baby... so apparently Edward was human? And they had sex before marriage? I don't know, I didn't ask many questions. All I know is, there was this awesome romantic walk around a lake that looked like the lake at the Columbus Zoo, and there were some cuddly lovey moments, and then we got to this lake house and there was a big vampire fight where I hurt people and delivered great justice, Black Widow-style, even though Bella-me was, like, two months pregnant.

Then I did some hanging out with Jacob? I think. It was snowing out but it didn't seem cold, because he had massive body heat that was creating some kind of bubble shield around us that melted the snow. I think. I don't remember. Then we went to some kind of picnic with other supernatural creatures and he left for a while.

I do remember this part, though: I met Nathan Fillion in my dream. I don't know what part he was supposed to be playing, but I remember asking him how old he was, and he said "Five thousand, three hundred and sixty-two." And I was pretty amazed by that. He wasn't a vampire, either. Might've been some kind of angel or demon. And then I asked him what ancient Egypt was like, and we had a few laughs over it, and then I was told that it was creepy that I was talking to him, because Bella-me was seventeen and this guy looked like he was in his forties.

Then I was hanging out with Alice, Rosalie, and Esme. We were sitting at some kind of special booth for the taping of a late-night show? Or something. Rihanna was featured because she was in a new superhero movie coming out and her costume was creating a bit of controversy (basically, the bottom of it was like a souped-up thong). But I got to watch Rihanna kick some tail Black Widow-style again. It was funny, too, because at every time where you'd think the mooks she was beating up would bleed, they'd just show this strip of hot pink fabric. I pointed it out to Alice and we just laughed our heads off.

Then I woke up and realized the whole thing was kind of creepy. Okay, a guy that looks forty-three hitting on a girl that is mortal and only seventeen is creepy enough. But in my dream, Nathan Fillion was over five thousand years old. That goes way beyond pedophilia/ephebophilia in my book. And it made me think twice about Edward, too. He's 109 years old in the books. And he's hitting on a seventeen-year-old that he wants to eat. How come this never set off red flags for people?

... I just wanted to brag that Nathan Fillion was in my dream last night. Carry on.

- Jen -