Come on, have a seat.

We're all going to have a chat today, k?

First of all, it's Chinese New Year. Woo for awesome food and wine tonight with my friends!

Second of all, my desk calendar tells me that it's also Valentine's Day. And that's what I wanted to have a chat about. So, please, get comfortable, because we're going to air out a few grievances.

I understand that a lot of people who aren't in romantic/sexual relationships right now are angry and hurt, declaring today to be Singles Awareness Day. And as much as you feel hurt by the excessive shows of schmoopiness around you from established couples, I want to point out that the moniker 'Singles Awareness Day' is pejorative to couples - specifically, couples like the relationship I'm in right now. I don't have my schmoop to give out this year, because my boyfriend is far, far away; it hurts me just as much to see couples smiling and holding hands as they walk down the street (yes, hurts, my nails have left prints on my palms by now). So if we're going to have a bitter and cynical name for the rejection of romantic love, I'd like to nominate 'Loneliness Awareness Day,' because trust me, I'm feeling it too.

Frankly, calling it any kind of awareness day also calls attention to how bitter and cynical you are. And really, that's not going to get you anywhere. In fact, my very good friend Conan O'Brien would like to remind you all that you will never get anywhere in life by being a cynical and bitter person. Holding out hope and feeling love for yourself and others is a sure-fire way to help people get along; it's just on a day like today that cynical and bitter attitudes don't fit in.

I understand that a few of my male friends hate this day, and trust me, I truly understand why. I would like to remind the people whose birthdays are near today that you should be thanking your mothers for pushing you out of their uterus rather than cursing the world that you were born near a pretty much arbitrary holiday. For those people who have had romantic mishaps on this day, I want you to remember one thing: That was in the past. I understand that today is an emotionally charged day, really I do, but the past is really past. It's a part of who you are, and I understand that, but it hurts me to see my friends give up on romantic love just because they were burned. I'm sorry that it happened to you, and I know it hurts very much to remember that it happened. So if it hurts, I'd advise letting some of that hurt dissipate. Holding on to hate is just going to make you a bitter and cynical person, and really, would you want to fall in romantic love with yourself if you're just going to be bitter about the whole thing?

That's another thing I want to point out. It's a chronic problem across many Western societies, which is strange, because this concept was only invented about 500 years ago. See, the thing is, romantic love is not the only kind of love there is. I know that today being Valentine's Day and all, you might be tempted to think that romantic love is the only kind of love that is worth having, or the only kind of love that you can be proud of and nourish. And that's not true. You love your friends, your family, your dog, your computer, your online communities, your interests. So, please. Think about what you love, and do something you love today. [Fill in joke about something=someone here.]

So, if you have a group of friends who are all complaining, seriously, cut it out. Do something you all enjoy. Maybe that's going out to Chinese and getting drunk, since it's Chinese New Year as well. Maybe it's having a movie/video game marathon into the early hours of the morning. Maybe it's having a snowball fight and then sharing funny stories over hot cocoa. Maybe it's pranking someone, and seeing them laugh when they realize it was you who did it. Maybe it's finally getting up the courage to ask someone to not be so alone with you.

Notice how the only option I put up there that was even slightly romantic was the last one? Yeah. Because you can love all of these people that you do these things with; you can love them until your heart breaks, because they're all people you care about. But it isn't romantic love. And that's fine. (And asking someone to share their loneliness with you doesn't have to be romantic either - maybe you just want to have a two-person pity party and feel terrible about yourselves, and just not feel so alone while doing that. I find that perfectly acceptable and in fact therapeutic. And it doesn't have to be someone you're romantically interested in!)

My final point comes from Wikipedia (endless source of all truthful knowledge, etc. etc.). See, St. Valentine was canonized somewhere around the 4th or 5th century because of 'word of mouth' deeds that made him saintlike. We've discovered now that, back then, there was no individual St. Valentine to whom these deeds were ascribed. There's another St. Valentine from Spain who was martyred in the 8th century, but the 14th of February isn't his saint's day. It's believed that the celebratory part of this holiday evolved sometime in the 14th century, along with ideals of courtly love (which, I must point out, have fallen somewhat out of favor). So if you're Catholic and wondering why some young lovers had to choose to be martyred today, stop wondering! St. Valentine never existed as such, and so you can feel free to let go of all of the stigma of this day. (As a side note, Valentine is a name evolved from the Latin word for 'valor', which I find awe-worthy and motivating and also find amusing that it has nothing to do with love, except maybe love for the Church.)

To reiterate my points... please. I'm so tired of seeing hatred, bitterness, and cynicism when this could easily be a day just as fun and love-filled as any other. Make Valentine's Day your own day. If you like the Hallmark-card, chocolates-and-roses, buying-things-for-someone-you-love option, that's great! (I love all those things too.) If you like the spending time with one specific person you care deeply about, however it is that you care about them, that's great too! If you want to remind all your friends, family, online communities, and random strangers how much you love life, I heartily applaud this effort and hope that you make your day this fantastic. Mostly, though, I hope everyone takes advantage of this day to show everyone how much you love them. Because we all like to know that the love gets spread around, and we all like to be reminded that romantic relationships aren't the be-all end-all or, in fact, the only way you can love someone.

Peace, love, and chocolate,

- Jen -