I don't really consider myself to be much of a feminine person. This may be more of a cultural perception than anything, however, because I do not consider myself to be what cultural standards have deemed a girl should be.
Pink is not my favorite color; in fact, I rather hate pastels. I would rather talk about cel-shading than celebrities. I prefer watching football (Giants, Irish, Buckeyes, what have you) to Grey's Anatomy and in fact have never watched an episode of the aforementioned. (Side note: I impressed the dudes today at work when SportsCenter was playing in our athletic apparel section, and I turned away and said "I've already seen all those clips.") I don't consider make-up or cosmetics to be a prerequisite before leaving my place of residence. Any conversation I make with boys is genuine conversation, usually misinterpreted as an attempt at flirtation.
I have assembled, re-assembled, and de-assembled more home-made, non-modular lofts than any boy I know; I am unafraid of wrenches and hammers and in fact quite enjoy the physical labor involved in these college construction projects. I've changed a tire with two other girls (and, as they will also recall, the help that we got from a man totally messed up our smooth operations). I know more about cars than my boyfriend does (and I know I've been to more car shows than he's been to).
As my roommate will recall, I am completely unable to understand the way that 'girls' communicate with one another (anyone who has seen the Friends Season 1 "The One With George Stephanopoulos" episode knows that I will invariably quote "OH MY GOD I HAVE ELBOWS!" whenever girls start squealing to each other about something inconsequential). The way they shun one another over the least important things, the way they only remain in contact with one another in order to gossip about one another behind each other's backs. At least, that's been my concept of female friendship as presented to me by the media, Hollywood, and girls that live down the hall from me.
The girls that I'm friends with aren't traditionally girly either. I tend to develop deeper and faster friendships with guys anyways. For me, people who aren't overly feminine (or even masculine) are easier for me to relate to... people who are more like people than stereotypes, if you will.
Which brings up gopherdownunder's post from a few days ago, in which she related that buying dresses or overly feminine clothes make her feel guilty for being less of a person. Despite my long justifications above, I quite enjoy stereotypically feminine clothes like dresses, skirts, tight shirts, and skinny jeans. I've even recently developed a love for lipstick of the vampy red variety.
Do I feel guilty about my fashion choices and how they define my gender perception? I've never really thought about it before. As much as, mentally, I'm not very feminine and in fact pride myself on not taking part in gender stereotypes, physically I quite enjoy having a woman's figure. And I don't know if this is just from growing into an older woman's physique, or because I'm working in retail and get a great discount on my store's clothes and I'm changing out my wardrobe, but... I do really enjoy dressing like a woman and putting on makeup like a woman. I enjoy doing my hair (I even dyed it this summer and watch out for more changes!).
Does this make me any more gendered than people who are feminine in more stereotypical ways? I don't know. It's a question for the ages. Because no matter how I dress, how I do my makeup or hair, or what my body looks like, it's how I think that's distinctly more important to me. Yet the way I dress makes it seem like, at first appearance, I am ready and willing to fall into cultural stereotypes for how women should think and behave.
I refuse to fall into a gender stereotype with my actions and beliefs, yet my very first impression to people is that 'yes, I am willing to be what you think a girl/woman should be'. So, I'm right where gopherdownunder was at the end of her post. Do I stop wearing the dresses, skirts, etc that I love so much because they fall into a gender norm I don't want to perpetuate? It seems impossible that I could ever conform to the complicated and contradictory stereotype that is 'woman.'
So, where do I go from here? I don't know, but I'm still ogling a dress from work and I 'like'd my friend's Facebook status that commented on how mean and exclusive some girls can be with one another, commenting "girls suck," so I call a draw for now and I'll come back to this later.
In other news, I'm making four dozen Rorschach-themed cupcakes for my visit to ND this weekend. Another feminine thing that I enjoy doing just for its therapeutic and yummy benefits, something that I, again, feel slightly guilty (and girly) for until I actually eat a confection. And, again, that's another thing that I'm not very girly for. I own at least five superhero movies, and my roommate's birthday last year was a very merry superhero birthday. I really don't enjoy most romantic comedies, or most male-related comedies. And you know what? Whatever. I enjoy what I like, without restricting myself to whatever stereotypes say I should like.
So, enough pondering. I'm just a person. No more labels.
- Jen -
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THAT IS A LONG POST.
ReplyDeleteFeynman's second autobiographical book thing is called What Do You Care What Other People Think? It seemed appropriate to mention that.
This is why I love you.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the above 2 comments.
ReplyDeleteFurther, I'd say you should just wear whatever the heck you want to wear. By explicitly not wearing what 'hollywood' says girls should wear, you are just as much control by they as if you followed it. I like what you said about enjoying your feminine body. Feminism is sometimes seen as a dirty word, but if you cut it too its core, all it ask you to do is embrace your womanhood (there is then a lengthy debate about what that actually entails). So embrace being a woman, flaunt what you like, and don't embrace the parts you don't like. Picking and choosing, instead of accepting or rejecting as a whole, is what makes an individual, well, individual.
Also, what is cel-shading? And I've watched 2 episodes of Grey's; you're not missing anything.